Monday, October 3, 2011

Losing grandparents when you're older

In the past month and a half, I have lost two grandparents: one on my mother's side and one on my father's side.  One was sick for a long time and I had time to prepare.  The other was sick for a short time and I hadn't even gotten to the acceptance stage.  In either situation, I don't think it is easy to let go.

I feel like it's harder to lose a grandparent when you're older.  When you're a kid, you see your grandparent as another disciplinarian.  They play a role as a parent, even though they probably let you get away with more things.  When you're a teenager, you see them as "old school", and get in your way.  You hear their stories of when they were younger and think it doesn't apply to you.  After you are grown and settled down, they take on a different role.  They are rich with stories and wisdom.  You understand where they come from, where you come from, where you get your personality traits and quirks.  You feel much closer to them.  And then when their time gets near, you feel like you haven't had enough time to enjoy them.  I look to the past and wish that I was more receptive, that I spent more time with them, that I showed them I loved them more.  But, now they've gone and I can only have one-way conversations with them.  I hope that I am able to hear and feel them again someday.

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